Broken.

So, I've never been much of the "blogger" but I've recently rediscovered my love for writing and journaling. I was going through some old books of mine and found some of my journals from years past and saw all that God did in my life and all that He's brought me through. I've never really been into the whole online blog scene but I realized, this is a way for the people in my life that love me and care about me the most to see what the Lord is doing in my life. I've always found that when I start going off course, I stop journaling so, this will also help in keeping me accountable.


God has been doing some incredible things in my life these last couple of months. I've had some really hard lessons to learn but it's all been well worth it. I am so thankful for all that He's been teaching me; it hasn't been easy by any means but I feel like I'll come out of this valley a better me.


I'm going through several Bible studies right now that are all teaching me very different lessons as well as different things about myself. It's hard to look yourself in the eye and exam your heart and see all of ugliness that is you but I think that it's all very good for me. I've lived my life wanting others to poor their lives and energy into me while I give nothing back and that's not what the Christian life is about. Jesus came to serve, not to be served.


I'm going through a book that I've gone through at least, AT LEAST, 5 times; Lady in Waiting. In the waiting periods of a woman's life, we should be cultivating a love relationship with Jesus instead of focusing on finding Mr. Right. In the preface it states, "Lady in Waiting is not about finding the right man, but being the right woman...She recklessly abandons herself to the Lordship of Christ, diligently uses her single days, trusts God with unwavering faith, demonstrates virtue in daily life, loves God with undistracted devotion, stands for physical and emotional purity, lives in security, responds to life with contentment, makes choices based on her convictions, and waits patiently for God to meet her needs." This is the woman that I am DAILY striving to be.


Just as the woman in Mark 14, I am breaking my alabaster box in the presence of the only One that can make my dreams come true. I am giving the Lord all of my selfish hopes, dreams, and desires. It's a new and exciting adventure but I am finding comfort, healing, direction, and purpose for the first time!