One of life’s most difficult challenges and perhaps hardest lessons to learn is that our plans are not always God’s plan. Life as we know it, or expect it to be, sometimes takes a sudden turn and leaves us feeling disappointed and very empty. With the death of my best friend, Amy, I was forced to bare a pain in my heart unlike any I had ever known. One that I found only God could get me through.
Amy and I always had a good time together. We could be doing the simplest thing and still have the best time because we were doing it together. One of our favorite things to do was watch movies. If it was a sad movie and I got teary eyed, she would pat her lap and say, “Kim, come over here” and she would let me sit on her lap and cry.
My last moments spent with her are a treasure to me. We had gone to get our nails done and she met me at a store so we could ride together. When we were done and in the car on the way home, I asked her to play a song that was a favorite of ours at the time. Little did I know that would be the last time I would ever hear it with her. As I got out of the car, I just said, “Bye, I’ll see you when I get back from Michigan. I’m sure I’ll talk to you online before I go or something.” She replied with. “Okay, talk to you later.” That night, before I left for Michigan, she called me. She called to say that she was out with her brother getting a milkshake and that she just wanted to call and tell me goodbye. When I look back upon that phone call, I am so grateful that she called me to say goodbye. If she hadn’t, I would have been so angry with myself for not saying goodbye properly.
When I got the news of her death, I was devastated. The one person that I had spent almost every day with over that summer was gone. There were a couple of things that I was so afraid of when she passed away. I feared that people would just move on and not think about her or talk about her anymore. I was also afraid that she would become less and less a part of my life over time and that her memory would fade away. I have tried over the years to keep her memory fresh. It is the little things that remind me of her most. The smell of warm vanilla sugar will always remind me of her and I will never forget those long arms wrapped around me for a hug.
It seems as if it was only yesterday that Amy and I were lying outside on the trampoline, looking at the stars, listening to love songs, talking and dreaming about growing up and what the future had in store for us. August will mark the 10 year anniversary of her death. I have experienced so many things, happy and sad, without her.
The memories and the jokes that we shared will always be with me and with every memory there is a little piece of her still in my heart and in my life. I am so thankful for all of the wonderful memories and time that the Lord allowed me to have with her.
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